Casual Sex Following a Divorce or Long Relationship

by VibePlanet editorial team
Feb 18, 2020

Have you recently separated or divorced from your long-term partner? Divorce after a long marriage or other end to a long term relationship can be a difficult time. Although some people have already processed the painful feelings of a broken marriage or relationship, others are feeling vulnerable and have trouble keeping their self-esteem intact when meeting new mates. Assess where you are mentally and emotionally before deciding to have sex the first time after ending a  relationship.

Reviving your sex life 

A person who leaves a marriage suddenly should feel free to investigate the singles market. There is no longer someone waiting when you come home, expecting you to have dinner or share the bed. You don’t have to juggle your work schedule or respect someone’s likes or dislikes on a daily basis. You may miss the intimacy that you had with your ex-spouse, but you broke up for more reasons than one. Being single gives you a license to explore what’s out there. It’s both intoxicating and scary at the same time.

how long to wait after divorce to have sex
Photo by Foundry–923783

Be Alone With Yourself

If you have thought often about having sexual freedom, then you might also feel an urgency to go out and get the first meeting over with. You could also be rebounding from an emotional breakup. Any baggage from the past relationship could cloud your judgment when you’re seeking new partners or it could adversely affect your self-esteem. Take a few deep breaths and articulate your goals for this new phase of your life. Everyone needs time to heal.

Things Have Changed

It could have been decades since you went out with someone to catch a movie or talk over appetizers and drinks. Things have certainly changed because now we use dating apps to view photos and details about singles before hooking up. If you’re serious about putting yourself out there, remember there are risks with finding sex after monogamous relationship, and you should consider how to navigate a tricky time.

Here are some questions to ask:

  • Am I ready for sex for the first time after divorce?
  • Do I need contraceptive methods before having first-time sex after divorce?
  • What are my goals for this experience?
  • Will I expect a relationship to result from post-divorce sex?

When you’re pondering these questions and more, remember your sexual preferences might have changed while you were in a long marriage. Rediscovering sex after divorce means that you will be encountering new partners and learning about them. If you become intimate with a stranger, then you may feel shy at first. The way the first experience goes may also teach you something about yourself that you hadn’t realized. It’s normal to wonder how long should you wait to have sex after a divorce, but it’s crucial to be emotionally prepared. You can choose from two options when deciding how long to wait after divorce to have sex: searching for casual encounters and waiting for a new relationship.

If you decide that casual sex is something you want before settling into a monogamous arrangement again, here are some important tips:

Casual Sex
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Do’s and Don’ts If You Decide Casual Sex After Divorce is Right for You

What to Do:

  • Consult your medical provider about physical concerns including sexual performance and birth control.
  •     Determine how you would like to meet a potential partner (i.e. during your vacation, at a singles group, in a bar or club, on a dating app).
  • Pick a public place to meet where you feel comfortable.
  • Consider grooming services such as beauty, barbering, waxing, and skincare.
  • Relax and think about where you might explore this desire if there is a mutual attraction.
  • Consider starting a friends-with-benefits relationship.

What Not to Do:

  • Don’t take advantage of the first person who is interested.
  • Don’t give yourself a deadline.
  • Don’t allow someone to pressure you into having intercourse.
  • Don’t lie or misrepresent yourself to sleep with a new person.
  • Don’t give out your address or personal details.
  • Don’t go to a stranger’s home for the first time.
  • Don’t expect a follow-up communication after sex.

Best sex tips after divorce

Finding a new partner for sex with no emotional attachment or long-term commitment is a big step. Honestly, you may not have been undressed next to someone else for years. It’s important to enjoy this experience for what it’s worth. Here are some tips for becoming intimate for the first time after divorce:

  • Dress comfortably.
  • Meet at a time when you won’t be interrupted.
  • Think about what positions, toys, or products you might need.
  • Make sure your sexual encounter is consensual.
  • Respect the other person’s limits.
  • Share with your partner what you like. Good communication is key. 
  • Explore what your partner likes.
  • Relax. Don’t rush to the end.
  • Don’t stay for awkward conversation.
  • Maintain contact with the other person only if you want to.

Casual sex after divorce

When you pursue casual sex for the first time, your preconceived ideas could ruin the experience. If you desire something guilt-free, look for a no-strings-attached arrangement, an ex-partner seeking the same, or a friend with benefits. Such arrangements mean that you can’t limit the other person’s choices, such as asking them not to have sex with others in between your trysts. If you don’t want to sleep around, wait to have sex and look for a monogamous partner.

sex after divorce how to navigate a tricky time
Photo by Nikolay Draganov


You are a great person! Believe in yourself, feel attractive, and know you are worthy of pleasure. You don’t have to settle for any potential situation. Others will respect you if you respect yourself. Before entering this new territory, remember you’ll be meeting someone for intimacy, not for companionship or love. The meeting may not include conversation or “dating” activities. In addition, casual sex time has a short lifespan — taking place one or a few times. If this bothers you because it feels impersonal, you shouldn’t be having casual sex. Also, when using dating apps or other methods, assume that random casual sex is risky. Always use protection to avoid getting STDs. Don’t place yourself in situations where you could be insulted, raped, or abused. Enjoy new sexual partners without compromising your health or safety.

By admin

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