Stuck in a rut where your relationship is concerned? If the desire and the magic have run their course and if you feel like your relationship is headed for gloom, think again. There are many sailing in the same boat just like you and it’s not the end of the world. With a little effort, you can bring back the magic and reignite the spark that died out for whatever reason.
It is said that the only mantra to keep a relationship alive is continuing reviving that one spark that started it all. Almost every relationship goes like this: couples meet, hit it off, and can’t seem to get enough of each other. The flame builds into a glorious conflagration and all is great with the world. However, as time passes by, responsibilities creep in, and life gets in the way, and the once roaring flame of passion inevitably dwindles, leaving behind a few smoking embers.
A common problem in maintaining a healthy, passion-filled relationship, especially a long-term one, is keeping the spark burning and keeping the relationship alive. But to maintain the connection and keep it in full throttle, the flame needs to be kept burning bright and steady. So, how do you do that?
According to Dr. Jeanne Segal (et al.), a healthy relationship is when two people share the same relationship goals about where they want it to go and how they want it to be. Couples who want to build that kind of partnership need to understand the basic principles to keep a relationship alive and healthy.
So, how do you tell if a relationship is good for both of you? Here are the most common signs:
- Communication is open, healthy, and very much alive
- Both of you are not afraid of some disagreement
- You feel loved, and you make your partner feel it too
- You respect outside relationships and interests and keep them alive
All these go a long way in nurturing a healthy relationship but keeping it requires hard work. So, how to bring back the spark in a relationship?
By Keeping the Romance Alive
Now, before you head to the bedroom, you must remember to keep the romance alive outside of the bedroom as well. Yes, you heard it right. Whoever said romance was only for the bedroom left out half the equation. Romance outside the bedroom will automatically ignite romance in the bedroom.
Here’s how to keep the romance alive in a relationship:
- Focus on your relationship at all times, not just when trouble brews. Keep doing this despite kids and flourishing careers.
- Find time to spend together doing things both of you enjoy. Or try something new together. Spending dedicated time together allows both of you to reconnect and keeps the relationship interesting.
- Talk, share, communicate, and learn to listen as well. Talking is not just about speaking–it’s also about knowing when to shut up and let your partner talk.
- Be prepared for ups and downs because even the best relationships face them. Instead of lashing out at your partner, the best thing you can do is find a solution together.
- Surprise each other with random gifts, messages, and the works.
- Be responsive, kind, and generous in words and deeds. Give and take is vital.
Now that you know how to keep the romance going, it’s also essential to understand how to bring back the spark in the relationship. Whether you like it or not, sexual satisfaction also plays a critical role in keeping the relationship alive.
How to Get the Spark Back?
According to Dr. Gary Brown, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles– “long-term relationships start with passionate love but turn to compassionate love over time.” While this is good, some couples tend to lose their passionate love, the kind that requires you to be more intimate with your partner. Keeping sex on top of your list of priorities as a couple is challenging no doubt, but very important.
But what if your sex drive is not the same anymore? Here’s how to bring back the spark in a relationship.
Experiment in the bedroom
Although you might believe you’ve already tried it all, you’re probably at the tip of the iceberg. Just like every other aspect of your life needs a constant refreshing, your sex life needs one too. So, experiment!
Have you heard of “sensate focus” exercises? Where one partner becomes the giver, and the other the receiver. The giver’s job is to give pleasure without resorting to their regular moves. This kind of foreplay increases your chances of getting an orgasm, thanks to you being more self-aware of what’s happening.
You can also try doing things together, that while not implicitly sexual in nature can really ignite that spark. Like taking a bath together. Better yet, make a wish list of naughty things you want to try. Set a date, pick one from the list, and have a ball – together.
Set a date for sex too! Mark it in your diary, or even on the kitchen calendar. Use code words if you must. Decide in advance and then get to it, because some sex– whether it’s a quickie or even mediocre is better than no sex at all.
There are also tons of sex positions that you can try. Or sleep naked together or wear each other’s favorite fragrance. Scents can trigger vivid memories, and science has backed it up, so use this to your advantage.
Relationships, especially the long-term ones, require a lot of hard work to keep the magic alive. But do what you must. There are ways to reignite those smoldering embers and keep a relationship strong and exciting. It might take new things and time too, but once you’re back to being utterly intoxicated by each other, you’ll agree that all the effort was worth it.